The holiday season can be one of happy families, warm kitchens, soft cookies, and laughter. For many moms it can also be a time of family and societal pressure to perform, to be gracious and giving in beautifully decorated homes, and to be perfect. This can be overwhelming in our season of peace — and we can forget to tend to ourselves during the hustle and bustle of caring for others.
The lives of women and moms are often quite full each day with minimal time for self-care. The holiday season can be the icing on the cake for exhausted moms everywhere. There's the holiday programs with the kids, the lunches and work events, shopping, and deciding how to spend the days with family. The overwhelming pressure to provide a stellar performance during the holidays can feel like an extra burden for moms who are already juggling so many tasks.
The additional mental load of unrelenting cheer and togetherness can be exhausting, even when we love the holiday season. However, it is possible to find balance. We can assess what we value most this season, move those things to the top of the list, and spend exactly as much time as we want doing the things we love with the people we cherish. And if we never make it to the bottom of the holiday to-do list, that's okay.
Authenticity Over Performance
Authenticity is a valuable tool. There are things that we may feel obligated to do — things we have done for so many years that we just keep doing without giving thought to whether or not we enjoy them. Perhaps it's what we've always done, or perhaps it's something we think is expected of us. When we perform on that level, we lose our authentic selves, and it can feel like masking to make it through. A fake smile just to get by can ultimately lead to resentment and an unpleasant holiday experience.
Communicating Your Needs
Communicating your needs and advocating for your family can help reduce stress and improve experiences overall. It's perfectly okay to do something different from what you've done before if it feeds your needs better. At this time, more self-care is needed — not less. The holidays can be so hard for so many people, for so many reasons. Now is the time to care for yourself so that you are able to advocate for your children and your family. Communicate with those around you honestly and feel empowered to say no to an invitation or expectation.
Tools for When You're Overwhelmed
Having a toolbox of resources ready when you become overwhelmed can make all the difference in how you're able to show up and respond to the world around you. Here are some that help:
- Deep breathing: Three slow breaths can genuinely shift your nervous system
- A 10-minute walk: Even a quick step outside creates physical and emotional distance from stressors
- A standing rule to leave: Giving yourself permission to exit any situation when it no longer becomes enjoyable — without guilt
- Therapy: A place to process everything you can't say at the dinner table
Taking the path that feels right for you is okay. Speaking up for what you want and need is powerful. We are the protectors of our peace. And peace is an excellent new holiday tradition.
Written by Shelley Campbell, Mamaya Health therapist.
The holidays can bring joy and pressure in equal measure. If you're navigating it all, Mamaya Health's therapists are here to help you find your footing.
