"Parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs you'll ever have!"
I remember hearing this countless times from friends and family long before I even considered becoming a parent. The forecast felt forcefully sunny: "Sure, sometimes it's hard. But it's so wonderful!"—as if that second part canceled out the first.
Since then, I've worked with hundreds of kids as a therapist and teacher and had three children of my own. The many joys of caring for our children are real and meaningful to celebrate. But what's less often discussed is how profoundly challenging parenting is, even amid these joys. Any day of parenting can feel overwhelming, at any phase of a child's life.
If this is true for you, you're far from alone. One of the things that has helped me most—both on my parenting journey and in my work supporting other parents—is to talk openly about what's hard.
This matters for two reasons. First, by talking about what's hard, we reduce the shame that comes with trying to handle it alone. As researcher Brené Brown says, "Shame derives its power from being unspeakable." When we give voice to our struggles, we make more room for solutions while empowering ourselves and others experiencing similar challenges.
Second, when we talk about where we feel stuck, we activate the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving and impulse control. Psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel calls this "Name It To Tame It": noticing and naming what you're experiencing reduces emotional intensity and reactivity.
So, let's name it. Here are a few everyday yet often hidden stressors that come with parenting—and some concrete steps you can take to buffer the stress.
Stressor 1: Our Kids' Big Feelings Can Activate Old Wounds
Kids come with all sorts of temperaments and personalities, but one universal truth is that your child will need you intensely throughout their childhood. While their needs look different in infancy than in the teenage years, kids depend on their caregivers to show up and provide safe, stable, nurturing environments for their growth and resilience.
Yet despite how much we love our kids, consistently responding to their needs is difficult—especially when it activates attachment wounds rooted in our early experiences with caregivers. For example, if one of your parents struggled to "be with" you when you felt big emotions, you may now struggle to stay present when your child expresses deep sadness or anger. Or if you had a highly protective parent, you may feel uncomfortable when your child begins to exhibit more independence.
There is a wealth of resources available to help you explore your attachment style and how your early experiences have shaped your approach to relationships. Even realizing how you were parented is directly connected with how you intuitively parent—especially under stress—can be revelatory. It can help you bring more curiosity and compassion to your reflexive responses to your kids.
Stressor 2: Everyone's a Critic — But Making Everyone Happy Is a Losing Game
Whether it's a stranger at the grocery store during your toddler's meltdown, or an in-law offering pointed advice on discipline, it often feels like everyone's a critic. Because all of us are influenced by those early attachment experiences, all sorts of people will have emotional reactions to what's happening between you and your child—but they won't necessarily notice they're projecting.
Pleasing everyone is impossible. There are countless (and often contradictory) approaches to parenting. Staying rooted in your values and centered on what's best for your child are the North Stars that help you set healthy boundaries, shrug off others' judgments, and determine what advice to take and what to leave.
Stressor 3: Parenting Is a 24/7 Job That Can Lead to Burnout
Even when your kids are at school, a part of your brain always carries the weight of responsibility for their safety and well-being. Add to this the myriad stressors of everyday life—work, household management, finances—and you have a recipe for parental burnout. Burnout can be even more intense for moms, who often bear more of the caretaking load and are subject to the myth that "doing it all" is possible.
As a new mom myself, I felt so frazzled that even a five-minute uninterrupted shower felt like a luxury I should be grateful for. The longer this went on, the smaller my window of tolerance became—until I was bouncing between feeling irritable and anxious, then numb and disconnected. Eventually, I realized I was utterly drained and couldn't show up for my kids the way I wanted to without making intentional changes to prioritize my own well-being.
If you can relate: you deserve more than an uninterrupted shower. You deserve the time, space, and encouragement to explore your interests, rest deeply, and evolve as a whole human being outside your identity as a parent. Doing so will give you more capacity to meet your children's needs—not less.
That's why it's vital to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who can help you process your feelings, reduce your mental load, and set healthy boundaries. Mamaya's therapists specialize in exactly this—helping parents reclaim themselves without the guilt.
Parenting can be one of the most rewarding jobs—but it also takes an extraordinary amount of work. We've all heard "it takes a village to raise a child." It also takes a village to support a parent. Explore Mamaya's care for new and expecting parents →
About the author: Caitlin McCollister is a therapist, Mom of three, and former educator with over 10 years of experience working with children and families. She is a Registered Circle of Security Parenting Facilitator passionate about helping caregivers strengthen relationships through curiosity and compassion.
