We don't talk about self-care as mothers enough. It exists as a concept but not as a practice.
The reality for mothers looks a lot more like constantly putting our own needs aside for the needs of others: our kids, our partners, work, the dogs — the list goes on. The unfortunate outcome of consistent self-neglect is exhausted mothers whose frustration tolerance is merely a memory of what it was. We get tired. We lose moments happening now because we're too busy worrying about the next one.
The safety guidelines on an airplane say it plainly: if you're responsible for another person, put your oxygen mask on first. Because you can't help anyone if you can't breathe. As a clinician working with families, I've often told parents that the best gift they can give their kids is for their kids to see them happy. To learn that it's okay to be happy. Because our kids don't listen to what we say — they watch what we do.
How Do We Put Self-Care Into Practice?
1. Prioritize It — Really
Block out time. Put boundaries around it. An hour is great. Thirty minutes is perfect. Ten minutes can get the job done. Five minutes is better than nothing. This can look like stepping onto the front porch for deep breaths while the baby is safe inside. It can look like telling your child: "Please give me five minutes so I can give you my full attention when I return." It can look like ignoring the laundry for ten more minutes to do something that calms you. The laundry will be there when you return.
2. Find Something That Feeds Your Soul
The activity itself matters less than the outcome. Find something that brings you peace — stepping outside for a sunset, a walk to clear your mind, a haircut or spa moment, a good book, a slow cup of tea. You just need to feel better and more at peace afterward.
3. Be Fully Present in What You Choose
When I realized that every moment I was worrying about an imaginary future, I was losing the literal moment in front of me — I was able to shift. Practicing presence in self-care builds the same muscle you need to actually be there when your kid talks about their day.
4. Ask for Help
Asking for help can feel like admitting inadequacy. It isn't. No person is an island — which is why it takes a village to raise a child. We can find community in mom groups, playdates, faith communities, and family. It's okay to lean on each other through this.
The World Health Organization reports that 1 in 5 mothers experience mental health conditions during pregnancy or the first year after childbirth. Maternal mental health affects not only the mother but the child's health, development, and well-being.
If you can't find the motivation to take care of yourself for yourself, do it for your kids. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial if you need extra help remembering your worth.
At Mamaya Health, we have a team of therapists specializing in maternal mental health — because we believe moms matter too. Connect with a Mamaya therapist → Explore maternal care →
